My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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