I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
