I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
