I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
