I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
