i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
