We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
