So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
