I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
