I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I will die if light touches me.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
