Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
