Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
