Are we in a gay sports bar?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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