....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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