What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
