i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
