watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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