my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i barfeds in our rink
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
