my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
