Kiss
Puke
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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