Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
