I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
