Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
