Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
