There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
