DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
