i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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