You're so nebulous sometimes
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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