A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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