I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
