Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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