Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
