I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Even my vagina gasped.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
