Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
