i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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