We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
