Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
