I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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