i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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