I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
