Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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