The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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