well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
