You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
