I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
