u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
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