i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
