4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
