I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
