we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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