Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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