I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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