I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
