So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
