508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
